Life is busy! Between work and life responsibilities, the days pass us by in the blink of an eye. Many parents worry and complain that their kids don’t listen to them. Well yelling, nagging or punishing are no alternative. It only harms them and we also lose your peace of mind. Look at it like this- If we are on phone and the other person can’t hear us- don’t we try at our end so that the other person can hear us? This is exactly what we need to do when it comes to our kids; we need to know how to talk to make them listen.
- Don’t use authoritative tone- How do we feel with bossy manager or colleague? the same applies with children. If there is anger on our face when we speak to our child, there is a possibility that we will get a negative reaction. We can always ask them to clean the room or to set the study table but in a neutral tone without any force or statements like ‘You never listen to me!’ or ‘How many times do I have to tell you the same things!’. Some days you might have to clean your room or set your study table and tell him with love once in a few days.
- Use logical reasons to convince: Instead of using anger and authority we can ask ourselves if what we want our child to do is necessary. Do we have a valid reason to insist on our child’s passivity, besides “because I said so”? Is it a “need” or a “want” (our want)? If it is not a real need find an agreeable alternative. Your force may work immediately, but soon they start arguing back.
- Stop finding faults:It will worsen the situation instead of improving, so always speak positive and encouraging words. The words we speak, last for a lifetime and install beliefs. Always encourage the positive side of a child and ignore the negative side. When they make mistakes, guide them in a positive, supportive way just like when they fell as toddlers and we supported them
- Respect: It’s not only for grownups, always speak with respect about your child in front of her friend or any third person. Respect your child as an individual, she has her own likings and choice. If in any case you need to scold, scold without spoiling your facial expression, keep it pleasant and scold.
- Encourage them to talk about their feelings freely with you– Conversation is very important; it helps the child to blossom. Like when they say ‘My friend teased me today’, don’t jump to a conclusion of whether the other person was wrong, nor start giving advice like ‘Those who get teased easily people tease them only’. Rather make a sad face and try to find details by asking questions in calm voice. Avoid giving any solution or conclusion, let him derive one. It will help them grow into confident people and establish a bond too.
- Let them decide, but guide them through questions: Give them the freedom to make as many decisions as reasonably possible. There is a possibility that you won’t agree with their decisions, but instead of saying they’re wrong, ask them questions. Ask your child why they want to do things this way or what they feel about the outcome. Help them identify possible negative results, and ask them if they can change their decisions to prevent them. Always give them reasons, not commands, when you want something to be done.
My goal is to raise independent and well-adjusted children. I believe that for a strong relationship there has to be a strong bond of understanding. If we can bear these simple but key factors in mind, we will raise children who are self-reliant and possesses sound judgment. Plus, we will be able to enjoy a lifetime of closeness with them.